Your eyes meet across the room. Gazing away for an instant,
you quickly reconnect. Your heart races as you take a
deep breath, rise and slowly ease your way through the
crowd. You've been here before, yet can't stop wondering
if this time it won't be different. You brace yourself
for another rejection, still holding out hope for a lifelong
connection. Why does this have to be so hard?
If you've found yourself asking this question more than
once, be reassured that you're not alone. Playing the
"mating game" is difficult for most people and the rules
are sketchy at best. There are ways however, to increase
your chances of attracting that special someone. Review
the following relationship statements and click on those
that apply to you. Through this self-assessment, you may
find yourself one step closer to making that desired connection
a reality.
I
have trouble meeting people I can relate to.
I'm
shy and afraid to make the first move.
I
try to flirt, but end up being ignored.
I have trouble meeting people
I can relate to.
If this statement sounds too familiar, chances are you've
been on the social circuit for awhile and are frustrated
to say the least. You're tired of crowded parties and
painful small talk with people you never hope to see again.
You may have tried the personals, on-line chat rooms or
even one of those video-dating services to no avail. You're
tired, confused and at a loss as to where to turn next.
Well, take a deep breath and consider a different approach.
We've all heard stories of couples who met when they weren't
looking. It sounds cliche, but it may just be time to
refocus. Rather than wasting energy trying to fit in,
examine what it is you enjoy doing and go do it! From
boating to running, stamp collecting to bird watching,
there are groups out there anxious to have you join in.
If you're seeking spiritual fulfillment join a singles
group at a church or synagogue. If you enjoy helping others
consider volunteering at a shelter, building homes for
the homeless or becoming a Big Brother or Big Sister.
Through any of these activities, or one that's just right
for you, you're sure to meet people you can relate to.
You'll gain enrichment, fulfillment and quite possibly
a special friendship that could develop into something
more.
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I'm shy and afraid to make the first
move.
Fear of rejection is a common concern for anyone contemplating
making that first move. Unfortunately though, for people
who are inherently shy and lack the confidence it takes
to simply smile and say "Hi," this is a much bigger issue.
If you're shy, yet seriously interested in developing
a relationship, here are some tips that may help:
- Don't advertise your shyness: Telling people you're
shy often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead,
focus on overcoming your shyness. Take time in advance
to "visualize" the way you'd like to see yourself interacting
socially, and then venture out and try applying it.
- Practice, practice, practice: Strike up a conversation
in a non-threatening setting. When the grocery clerk
asks how you are, look her in the eye, smile and reply,
"fine, and you?" This works with any service provider
(gas station attendant, dry cleaner, etc.). You'll find
that more often than not, you'll get a smile and positive
response in return. The key here is to begin acknowledging
others and overcoming that innate fear of rejection.
- Consider the setting: Approaching someone in a noisy
bar is a lot more intimidating than getting to know
them through a common interest organization or club.
The best relationships are built on pre-existing friendships,
and friendships are frequently made through group interaction.
Review the tips for meeting people you can relate to,
and join in!
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I try to flirt, but end up being
ignored.
There are definitely those who possess that innate ability
to casually & consistently strike up conversations
with others mutually attracted to them. They are carefree,
confident and routinely know exactly when to "make that
first move." They are, in a word, unique! The truth is
that, for the vast majority of us, the art of effective
flirting is simply a mystery. We know it involves making
sure that someone we "like" is aware of that fact, but
getting there is often difficult. We try "turning on"
on our charm, but are told we're obnoxious or worse yet,
boring. We're ignored, rejected and find ourselves consistently
asking, "where did I go wrong?" Stop asking and start
reading! The good news is that there is help available.
Consider the following tips and then visit the web sites
noted. Yes, flirting is an art, and there are secrets
to making it work for you.
- Be prepared. A big issue many people have with flirting
is the fear of saying the wrong thing. If you've already
identified whom it is you'd like to know better, then
do some research. If possible, find out about his/her
special interests, recent events in the life of this
person (i.e., trips, celebrations or important projects),
and what he/she does for a living. Focus on drawing
the attention away from you and getting to know this
person better, by asking relevant questions without
being nosey. Being in control, by being prepared, can
give you the confidence to be yourself, and that is
always the most attractive alternative in any situation.
- Be the best you can be. Sure, being breathtakingly
gorgeous can't hurt, but if this were the sole basis
for getting dates, our society would cease to exist.
The fact is, most master flirters are pretty average
looking on a cultural scale. What they do have in common,
is the confidence that comes from knowing they're who
they want to be. Look in the mirror right now. What
do you see? (This is not about that zit on your chin
or that nose that's a little crooked) rather it's about
liking that person staring back at you. Are you a good
person? Do you take care of yourself, shower regularly,
have ambitions? The truth is simply this: You can't
expect anyone else to find you worth pursuing if you
don't already value yourself.
- Know how to read the signs. They're there and they
tell it like it is. Aside from verbal feedback ("I like
you" or "Get lost"), there are definite physical cues
better known as body language that let you know pretty
accurately where you stand.
Here is a list of signs that can help you assess whether
the one you're pursuing wants to be pursued by you.
- Raised eyebrows
- Subconscious licking or biting of lip
- Playing with hair while glancing your way
- Warm smile
- A casual wink in your direction
Although these non-verbal cues are more often attributed
to women, they do apply accurately to both sexes. The
key is in recognizing that any one of them shows the other
person has noticed you and cares how you see him or her.
If you are confronted with a blank stare, rolled eyes
or that infamous cold shoulder, write it off as their
loss and move on. There are always greener pastures. The
key is in remembering that!
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