How many self-professed "experts" have you heard claiming
to know exactly what you're looking for in a relationship?
They sell books & videos, run seminars and provide
a host of additional resources guaranteed to help us all
find that special someone.
Dating services are backlogged with applicants, newspapers
are overflowing with "personals" and the on-line singles
chat-room phenomenon is booming. Yet, with all of this
attention and so many venues available, frustrated singles
the world over are still shaking their heads and asking
that proverbial question: "Why am I alone?"
This page is not designed to provide advice, but rather
to encourage you to take stock in yourself. Examine your
true feelings regarding the following relationship questions:
What
are You Looking For?
Are
You Willing to Contribute?
What
Do You Want?
What are You Looking For?
While intimate, long-term relationships offer immense
benefits, there are also some very serious issues to consider.
Examine the following comparison (Committed vs. Casual
relationships), reviewing the benefits and potential dangers
of each seriously.
| Committed |
Casual |
|
|
|
| Benefits: |
Trust
Companionship
Romance
Comfortable
Feels Safe |
|
No Commitment
Freedom
Release
Stress Reducer
Feels Good |
| |
|
| Concerns: |
Rejection
Pain
Commitment |
|
Pregnancy
STD's
Mixed Signals |
Are You Willing to Contribute?
If you've decided you'd like more than a casual relationship,
it's time to ask what you're willing to contribute to
that relationship. A committed relationship involves just
that, "Commitment." As service members, realize that your
job will mandate extended separations from loved ones.
You may visit exotic ports overseas or exciting cities
stateside. Are you sure you're ready to be loyal to that
special someone? Will you communicate regularly with your
partner to maintain a strong bond, or does this sound
like too much, too soon?
What Do You Want?
Too many people do not take the time to consider this
question seriously. It's often not the search for true
love or companionship, but the insecure desire to have
what everyone else has that motivates us. We're conditioned
to believe that being single means we're destined to be
lonely. That being in "any" relationship is preferable
to being alone. As rational adults, we know this is absolutely
not true and yet we continue to feel the need to search
for something or someone we may not really want.
Seeking a person to fill a void, or make you appear to
be "normal" is a recipe for disaster. Only when confident
and comfortable with who you are, can you expect to find
someone worthy of being your "partner." If you're truly
there intellectually and emotionally, then go for it.
Information for this article was provided by the Navy
Fleet and Family Support Center's "Return & Reunion
Program."
